Sunday, October 5, 2008

to sunshine from stranger

sunshine!

its been like what? three days? since we last had a not so eventful conversation. that night i realized that i needed you in my life more than you needed me, if you ever needed me at all. i was about to start this letter with a forwarded message but i decided against it cause i didnt want you to say na madrama na naman ako. im not calling it quits. the first time i said that i love you till now i still mean it. and i dont mean it less than then. you do what you do with your life as usual but i dont. like what youve said before, one of the reason you feel tired at the end of the day despite not doing anything is that youre constantly running around my head. and i cant settle like this. i wanted a fairy tale. i want a real relationship even without the commitment, if thats even possible. i want late night talks, early morning smoochies and afternoon delights. hahaha. in one sentence you are now thinking im expecting so much. hindi ko alam kong ano pinakain mo sakin cause the last time i remembered, all the meal i had with you eh hindi ko naman inubos, maybe my instinct told me that ill be more madly in love with you than i already am right now kung inubos ko yun. i envy you for your stable state, if ever you have that. emotionally you seem to be very self sufficient. me otherwise had to cling on the little things you do/say and make it the highlight of my existence. i need your presence, physically and in spirit. i know very little of you. if i have to put it on a genius' words "my wisdom of you is but a tea cup from a vast ocean" tama ba yun? but i really dont know why, why on earth do i feel like this towards you. una ang hirap mong mahalin, may mataas na pader na nakapalibot sayo na hindi ko magawang matibag, you live in your own little world while i wonder around in awe. last night i had a chance to see again Good Will Hunting and i took comfort trying to convince myself na siguro para kang si Will Hunting. i had to believe that you are like him than actually accept the fact that you dont and will never like me. i made a decision to let you go FOR NOW while i still have time to nurse a depress state since im still to resume work come monday. i cant afford to be this downhearted while im already working, i have a tendency to get really distracted and that cant happen with the nature of work i have. i made plans before i left manila and i intend to stick with it. you sent me a forwarded message about getting tired on loving a person who doesnt even love you back, i must say that at times i can relate to that. but never did i think to give up. ill only do that if youll ask me to. so there, im giving you a chance to ask me to give up.

"one thing about affection is that you never give up, even if the object of your affection is begging you to"

im gonna have to defy that line.

puta ang drama. hahaha

proof reader kita so bear with mistakes.

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