to stranger from sunshine

Hey,

Good evening. I was a bit surprised to find an email from you in downelink when you were online in ym awhile ago. I thought you were in your holiday again; refraining from texting me. Or simply ignoring me in ym. I don't know. But i've never been the first to initiate conversations, so it's okay. And I don't usually notice who comes online or offline in my ym account. but that's beside the point.

I never realized that you need me that much in your life. I'm not exactly aware of what I can give or offer you for you to need me that much. I'm struggling as well on my own, trying to get back on my feet and on more stable ground. Everyone needs someone. And I'm not exempted from that. In our last text exchange several days ago, I told you how, sometimes, it feels good to have someone to come home to and not just an empty apartment and an empty bed.

I don't know what you mean by having a real relationship even without the commitment. I thought those two come hand in hand. One cannot have a relationship without commitment; in the same way that one cannot be committed outside a relationship.

Inasmuch as I want all those things--the late night talks, long walks, early morning smoochies, and afternoon delights, as you've called them--it's hard to have them with you right now because of the distance that's between us.

We hardly know each other to be in a long-distance relationship. We have no foundation, no rock from which we can weather any storms that come with a long-distance relationship. I'd rather we keep in contact and see where this goes until such time when you can decide where you want to be, where you want to settle.

I apologize if you find me hard to love. I know, I'm probably the last person who deserves any love in this world. Whatever walls you think I seem to have around me, they're called the lessons I've learned along the way.

You know how it is for people like us. Love and lust are often interchangeable and mistaken for one another. I'm sure you've had experiences like that where things happened too fast, too soon. I don't want that happening.

I didn't know that you were holding on to me for you to let me go. But as it is, letting go is easy, what with the distance that we have right now.

I hope I haven't been the cause of your depression. Or the reason why you can't concentrate on your work. I wish you all the happiness you deserve. And if ever you come back to Manila and found someone else, I'd be happy, too.

If you're asking me to make you give up, I don't know what answer would be appropriate. That decision would have to come from you. How you would feel is a decision only you can make.

As you would've noticed by now, I've never been in a hurry to jump into a relationship. If it's only about waiting, I can wait far longer than forever. But I don't expect people to wait for me. You've always been free to choose wherever or whoever your heart will settle on.

I didn't know that I had been running on your head all this time. No wonder I'm tired and sleepy all through out the weekend. There's no pressure for you to keep in touch if it's putting too much strain on you.

Let me know what you want and what we can do for now.

Thanks,

Engr

I just want to be living as I'm dying
Just like everybody here
Just want to know my little flicker of time is worthwhile
and I don't know where I'm driving to
but I know I'm getting old
and there's a blessing in every moment, every mile

-__________-