if only walls could talk..

id run for dear life..

while my mouth was all over his face. urgh.

me: iloveyou

him: aalis ka na.

i turned to face the wall.

me: mahal na mahal kita.

buti na lang di sumagot ang pader.

unfortunate events

ako ung isang taong minsan puno ng kamalasan. di dahil malas ako kundi dahil may pagkatanga ako. isa to sa mga minsan na yun.

if you have been reading my previous post (which i doubt), you'll know that im supposed to be home at this very moment and not at some overpriced internet cafe here in araneta center. i dont know how to put this but somehow i had my mind set that ill be staying here in manila to pursue what it is i had to pursue (kung binasa mo nga alam mo kung ano) between march 9th to 30th. so on the 29th, with high spirits i packed up my things and braced myself for a long day after my flight. but then i wasnt prepared for everything, i wasnt prepared on the information given to me by that little pleasant girl at the airport, i wasnt preapare to travel back to paranaque, i wasnt financially prepared for another day stay here in the metro and i wasn't bleeping prepared to find out that my e-ticket was booked for march 31!

sweet life, i was supposed to do a lot of things today. pending appointments and responsibilities i set aside to make way for this trip. bills to pay, appointments with the furniture shop, the review center, my immediate supervisors etc etc. now what? to add up, i had a hard time coming up with an excuse for my family on why i didnt make it home to day. they dont even know im here in manila. all this time they we're convinced i was in cdo preparing for my ielts. hell will break loose if they find out that im here. what to do? what to do? im out of money, i cant even afford to have my fone loaded, i missed all my appointments, im sure our telephone and internet connection is already cut out and my family is on the verge of knowing that im a huge-lying-scumbag. hmmh. there are two railway station close here. you know what im thinking? JUMP! JUMP!

isa ka ngang itlog

i have never held anything so beautiful in my arms. the feel of you is like a gigantic egg, i had to hold you snugly but not too tight so as not to break you. that would be last thing ill ever do in this lifetime, to break you.

ika nga ng tarp sa labas ng ADMU: the journey continues...

Here we are, still together
We are one
So much time wasted
Playing games with love

So many tears i've cried
So much pain inside,
But baby it ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
To keep our love alive,
But baby it ain't over 'till it's over

How many times
Did we give up?
But we always worked things out
And all my doubts and fears
Kept me wondering, yeah
If i'd always, always be in love

So many tears i've cried
So much pain inside
But baby it ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
And kept our love alive
Cuz baby it ain't over 'till it's over

So many tears i've cried
So much pain inside
Baby it ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
And kept our love alive
Cuz baby it ain't over 'till it's over

So many tears i've cried
So much pain inside
But baby it ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
And kept our love alive
Cuz baby it ain't over 'till it's over

So many tears i've cried
So much pain inside
But baby it ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
To keep our love alive
Cuz baby it ain't over 'till it's over...

Over....

betty and daniel

You only stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep

For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

You give me something
That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing

But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

You only waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me
And I can say I've never bought you flowers
I can't work out what they mean

I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream

You give me something
That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing

But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might call you from my heart

But it might be a second too late
And the words that I could never say
Are gonna come out anyway

You give me something
That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing

But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something

You give me something
That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing

But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart

thanks, i know you tried.

beers and tears

" kc lagi kang lasing "

" lasing ka last nyt no? "

i discovered a new BFF. Redhorse. for the past weeks if im not babysitting im out drinking beer. i drink on kanto sarisari stores, on open air bars, chilly restobars and foggy dance clubs. beers and tears. emo.

we're so close yet so far..

the thousand miles apart we had before to a couple of railway ride we have between us now didnt make much difference. this is my last weekend here in the metro and i've only seen him for a couple of chats over rather expensive dinners. what we were six months ago is the same us today. "parang kahapon lang kita last nakita ah, except sa nag-iba kulay ng buhok mo". whenever i recall that night i couldn't help but smile in despair. the kind of smile we make whenever we realized that we had again placed ourselves in an embarrasing situation and we wont be able to do anything but deal with it. "is this what i flew in here for?". and i answered myself, "yes". the last couple of weeks was about him and what i did to be close to him. before i get back to butuan this monday, ill give myself a tap in the back "job well done ryan, iba ka magmahal". ill leave downhearted but satisfied. who am i kidding? ill leave downhearted.

i didnt move mountains and heavens

nagmahal lang ako.

im back. no one really noticed that i was gone except for one person. he's the very reason i took a blogging leave. i wrote to many bullshits for the past month that i realized he needs a breather. but as replacement for my ranting online, i took the liberty to bug him in another level. IN PERSON. flew a couple of thousand miles and kept a promise i made to myself. to give him a reason to love me. to show all the love i have for him in flesh and not just thru nonsense emails, sms', and blogs. it was another leap of faith. and somehow i fell head first. all thoughts that run over my mind for the past months vanished. it took one mind blowing blog entry to pull me back into my lucid self. reality is, i've been day dreaming for the past months. day dreaming on the what could be, might have been and what if's. i became so obsessed with the reward that i didn't know there was a prize to pay. a prize to pay for being so deep in love.

looking at your POV

ito yung isa sa mga araw na nahihirapan akong huminga.

he's just not that into you

period.