Saturday, June 20, 2009

quarter life

in nursing, there are those things that people try to figure out and label out. Situations that one mostly encounter ones, twice or thrice in a life time. Situations that usually leave a mark in ones life. There are milestones and crossroads which at times if not always makes one what he is at a moment. And there are what they refer to as crisis. These are situations where things get all fucked up and one either succumb of fight for dear life. If ever i get to live a hundred then maybe, where i am and what i am experiencing right at this very moment is a quarter life crisis. Yes, i want to succumb, there hasn't been any other time in my life where i've constantly thought of jumping over a bridge, slit my jugulars and wished that at my next flight the plane would just dive into the ocean. Its this time in my life that if not for my mom, i would have got myself lost in some slum area and submit to the neighborhoods plea for chaos and blood blood blood. That way pity would be my weapon, not against the possible blood thirsty men who'll do the mauling but against my relatives who decided to persecute me for not being perfect. This way all might be easy. A hit, kick here and there would make me bleed but i know in time it'll heal on its own. Its a more sensible choice than fight for my dear life and defend myself from my aunt dellys rather uncalled for yelling over the phone. She had never failed to make me feel bad about myself. Shes like that constant voice that hovers around an innocent kid who sneaked in a smelly little kitten. She's like that grade two teacher who pesters you with inaudible preaching while hitting your armchair with his bigger than life bamboo stick. She's all that and more. I love her but somehow i know i deserve better.

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