the tale

we met online. traditional. i used to keep this online social circle account. the usual, i browse on the faces and see if there is anyone distinct than the anime looking guys who doesnt know what the true purpose of hair wax is (dont ask me, di ko rin alam). ayun cya, skin head, i was never into them, wide smile, im a sucker for people with one, (think julia r.) and a foreign headline. if knowing how to speak, write and undestand three languages counts as being a linguists i might well be am. thats visayan, tagalog and english (wink). and his headline was french. im not known for my wits by im street smart. so what i did was of course crash on dictionary.com. i translated his headline and answered him back with what the translator engine provided. gotcha! kumagat. i dont know if he was really interested that i know how to speak the language or was he just playing with me. we exchanged lines, and since then i knew, there was something about this person. i dont know how we got into exchanging sms after that. but what i knew was everytime he does the "gandang gabi ryan" stint, i usually get that chuck bass' feeling (yeah, find out). twice, i went to manila and took my chance if maybe we could hang out and finally meet. i was turned down the first time. while on the second, after much coercion, he finally agreed. i once told him that i didnt have a memory on what we talked about when we first met. yeah, i dont know bakit but all that comes to mind whenever i look back on that day was his smile. my fondness for him is now travelling a long way since that day. blue blue caravan.

i had waited a couple of weeks before we were able to meet again. he has this schedule only his friends can break into. many times did i try but to no effort can somehow get through. when i found out i was leaving back home soon, i got restless. i need to see him. but how? finally, he offered. dinner daw before i leave. and if paulo coelho was right about the universe conspiring for you to get what you want, maybe the universe was not on my side that time. i was nursing a fever and to make things worse. it rained. not rain rain. but flood rain. but then theres no such thing as universe against me if i really really want something. so i took a couple of anti-pyretics and headed to makati. powerbooks. yeah, he loves the place so i agreed on meeting him there. might as well love the places he loves. then there was dinner, good thing TGIfridays wasnt that packed or people might think he was dating a charity case. i dont know but i really didnt feel good that day. i didnt feel good inside out so that means physically, maybe i was not on my best that day. but he was there, simple and cofident. i asked him for the second time to please order for us. as he was doing so i was again amazed on how he talked with the person who waited at our table. the first time i brushed it off as maybe pride but this time, i think that was getting-used-to-having-people-wait-at-my-table aura. its one of the reasons why i had second thoughts on should i date this guy again. the metro belongs to him, coffee bean is common place, powerbooks is home and greenbelt is a playground. but hell cares, when i first saw him, i knew, he's going to break my heart. might as well jump and experience it than wonder all my life how it feels to have my heart broken by someone like him.

lets go back to the details of that night. this time, not like the first date, when i look back on that day i remember things. how he took pictures of me and how i failed to take pictures of him. how i told him i was on the wrong side of the table (i was supposed to sit by his side just like the other ex-men couple who is, according to him, is also on a date.) how i wanted to grab his hand under the table but decided against it for he might think im pervert. how we, aherm, walked under the pouring rain sharing his umbrella. if not for him i would have cursed the heavens but he was by my side, his hands brushing mine, nothing else on earth could matter. i wanted to wrap my arms around him and protect him from the rain (he said later on he wanted to hold my hand but there was someone at our back). how we argued on who's to take the cab first. i won and saw him get into his cab home, but after seein him leave, thoughts on how it will feel like to be the one to leave lingered. i should have took that cab coz maybe, even fleeting, ill feel the contentment on getting ahead and not look back.

some plans are not destined to be actualized

the following post contains the details i will remember about engr..


i made plans...

but a call is about to be made...

it will put into place everything...

if really...

the things i have in mind...

will continue to be just a dream...

wot?

"Out of the billions of people in the planet (what's the latest count, we're 9 billion?), how do you get singled out by someone from the rest?

You're you, just doesn't cut it out. I don't know, is a very vague reply. Maybe it is rationalizing. Maybe it is making sense of something that doesn't make a lot of sense.

So tell me, how did you fall in love with me?

I'm no different than the rest of them. There are a lot of guys better than me physically, intellectually, emotionally, etc-ally. In fact, I'm worse than a lot of them. In more ways than you can imagine.

When you tell me that you love me, I wish you can tell me why.

Humor me with a reason."

-engr

somehow I am happy

he was my north, my south, my east, and west; my working week and my sunday rest; my noon,my midnight, my talk, my song; i thought love would last forever, I was wrong.

all souls day

there are days when i make excuses to my friends not to be around them and on this particular day im glad i did. i woke up past two hours past noon and i was determined not to hit the showers if not for the constant bugging of my subconcious that it is sunday and i need to hear mass. im that person who dresses up on sundays. semi-formal, long sleeves, black shoes and a hanky. (oo, hindi ako nagdadala ng panyo on regular days). and then the homily started and i felt like the most underdressed person present that night.the priest talked about sainthood. he emphasized that everyone is called to be a saint. and he's explaination on how was quite simple. doctrines, morals and faith. the first was a total blur, the second oftentimes shouts on my me but fails to catch my attention, and third is something my mom never explained to me but my education was kind enough to elaborate.