i love you

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

a slap on the face

by the time i arrived at the airport i left all my thoughts and concentrated on how will i travel home. home is a good 15 kilometers from the airport and i barely have twenty bucks in my pocket. i had two choices, to rent a multicab and pay the driver after we arrive at my place or do some old fashioned SOS through Gsms. just as i lifted my two kilo excess baggage i got a message from marco:

"im home, san ka?"

divine intervnetion

"im at he airport, kararating lang, will you fetch me?"

"sure, wait lang"


5 cigarette sticks and too many familiar faces later, i saw marco on the parking lot sporting a very lame chuck bass look.

"where's earl?"

"in the car, nice luggage, get in."

there was earl, fresh from a night of booze sex and rock n roll and a little too proud about it.

"so hows the trip? nagkita kayo ng pseudo lover mo?"

" twas good, shemps."

PSEUDOLOVER?! whats that suppose to mean? i know marco is one proud ass but i never really thought he'd be all condescending when it comes to things like these. okay, maybe what i have with sunshine can never pass for what his idea of relationship is but to actually blurt it out like that, was it necessary? it was bad enough that i came home dispirited but PSEUDLOVER? yes, their relationship maybe monumental with a whole 5 years of shit and cum but does he really have to use that term to describe us?

okay. OA. but fuck him. i love my sunshine and i know, at some point, my sunshine loves me. it doesn't take a whole half a decade of companionship to define a relationship. it only takes two souls who love each other, irregardless of distance and presence nor absence of that 8 letter word.

come to think of it, that eight letter word might as well be bullshit for marco.


peace marc, you know i love you. hahaha. pagawas lang sa gibati.

could have been everything

Why the tears?

It wasn't anyones fault other than me. It wasn't him, it wasn't the city, it was me. The very first “gandang gabi” we had a long twilight ago defined what he was, is and will be. I had a prequel of what he has to offer and i look past it. I was dreamy and in love and stupid. And i took a leap of faith. I asked him to jump and what he did was a mere hopity hop hop. But again, it wasn't him. I love him because he hopity hop hop. I can never bash him for being him because him is what i love about him.

Am i going around in circles?

Seriously.


Why me? Why my fault? Because unfortunately i am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, cant-live-without-each-other-love*. It took me three weeks to realize that i wont be able to find that love in that city, that beautiful avenue, his perfectly real bed. I shouldn't have gone there. I shouldn't have invaded his territory.

But I'm home now. And so is he.


(*had to borrow her line)

i worship you

01.04.09

my puzzle my proofreader my imaginary spotter my reason to believe that the earth is indeed round and that there's truth in coelho's insight about life, dreams, and love.

Cantina Tia Maria

i've never seen so many canio's in my life. nose bleed is an understatement, i was already bleeding through my arse. discreetly, but it's there. blood blood. (pasintabi sa mga kumakain). then beep beep. it was a cue for me to start walking to his place. all smiles, it feels like i was again defying gravity:

sunshine: bkit hndi ka natuloy umuwi? kelan na uwi m?

(tadhana un, binigyan pa uli ako ng pagkakataon makita ka)

sunshine: nyi.alam m namang hndi ako pwede mgtagal ngaun. kulit naman.

that was a cue for me to walk back towards katipunan station. no gravity defying moment this time. my feet dragging the whole 150 lbs of me.


happy 7th monthsary. pitong buwan. mula nung una ko cyang makita at una kong maramdaman ang pag-ibig ko para sa kanya.

stabbing pain

"when i did some editing :)"

chris n alvin n the chipmunks