Saturday, January 31, 2009

up and about

im always breaking. just when one aspect of my life is mended another one breaks. its 12:46 am, first day of febuary and im running a fever. fourth day of fever, normally i would have pop pills and nurse my way through dvd's, juices, fruits and a bunch of non palatable foods but this fever is too stubborn. before this i was worrying about another thing, my finances. i managed to max out my credit card last month and surprise, my current savings couldn't keep up. was online all the time trying to get family to send me money and supportive as they are, they did. before the financial trouble it was my heart that's breaking, no need to elaborate on that.

they say its human to make mistakes, to fail to estimate. but why does it have to be a cycle? cant anyone just live maybe a day, week or a month and not worry of things going out of hand? oh yeah this things will hone us, this things will teach us, they'll make us a better person but why didn't anyone even asked us if we wanted to be hone, taught or become a better person? sometimes i think that in our lives we never get to have a say on what happens, we're just here wandering around and waiting for the next ball to hit us. it gets tiring. i want plateau. i want boring.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

je'taime soleil




dont wander around too far. you may never get home in time for dinner. maghihintay ako dan.

Monday, January 26, 2009

TCA

chinese new year is a big fuzz for pinoys. maybe because throughout the ages we've been a pansit and chapsuey loving community. admit it, whoever among us had not been in a chinese resto? yes, count chowking in. never in my entire life did i even imagine id be talking yasoi/yantao/tsi/bobe/gwatsi/tsipa/due/lame/tsalantyao. butuan is full of em, lim/yu/tiu/uy/go/lao/tong. my life would not even be the same without them. to all my chinese friends. Happy New year.

not my entry

Ito ang mga huling taon ng dekada '80 at
ang mga unang taon ng dekada '90. Ito ang
panahong uso pa ang makiuso. Kung ginagaya mo ang
style ng mga artista, hindi ka tatawaging jologs.
Ito ang panahong tapos na ang martial law, pero
malayo pa ang new millennium. Hindi pa high-tech
pero di naman old fashioned. Saktong-sakto lang!
Ito ang panahon natin. Pero pano mo malalaman
kung kabilang ka sa henerasyong ito? Narito ang
listahan na makapagpapatunay if you're one of
us. R U?

• Paborito mong panoorin ang Shaider, Bio-
man, Maskman, Mask Rider Black, Machine Man at
kung ano-anong TV sitcom ng Japan na isinalin sa
Tagalog. Break muna sa mga laro kapag alas
singko na ng hapon tuwing Sabado dahil panahon
na para sa superhero marathon.

• Alam mo ang jingle ng Nano-Nano.

• Nanood ka ng Takeshi's Castle at
naniwala kang si Anjo Yllana talaga si Takeshi
at si Smokey Manaloto ang kanyang alalay.

• Naglaro ka ng Shake-Shake Shampoo,
Monkey-Monkey-Annabelle, Langit-Lupa, Syato,
Luksong-Tinik, Luksong-Baka, 10-20 at kung ano-
ano pang larong nakakapagod.

• Pumunta ang mga taga-MILO sa skul niyo
at namigay sila ng samples na nakalagay sa
plastic cup na kasing laki nung sa maliit na ice
cream. (at nagtaka ka, bakit hindi ganito ang
lasa ng MILO kapag tinitimpla ko sa bahay namin?)

• May malaking away ang mga METAL (mga
punks na naka-itim) at mga HIPHOP (mga taong
naka maluwang na puruntong na kahit Makita na
ang dalawang bundok.) Nag-aabangan sa mall na
may dalang baseball bat at kung anu-ano pang mga
sandata. Sikat ang kasabihang "PUNKS NOT
DEAD!"pero kung gusto mong mag play safe, pwede
mong tawagin ang sarili mong HIPTAL.

• Alam mo ang universal uwian song
na "Uwian na!" na kinakanta sa tono na
parang doon sa kinakasal.

• Nagpauto ka sa Batibot pero hindi sa
ATBP.

• Nakipag-away ka para makapaglaro
ng “high-tech” na brick game.
• Ang "text" noon ay mga
1"x1.5" na karton na may mga drawing ng
pelikulang pinoy, may dialog pa!

• Dalawa lang ang todong sumikat na
wrestler, si Hulk Hogan at si Ultimate Warrior.
Naniwala ka rin na namatay si Ultimate Warrior
nang buhatin niya si Andre d' Giant dahil
pumutok ang mga ugat niya sa muscle.

• Nagsayaw ka ng running man at kung anu-
anong dance steps na nakapagpamukha sa'yong
tanga sa saliw na kantang Ice Ice Baby, Wiggle
It, Pray at Can't Touch This.

• Hindi ka gaanong mahilig sa That's
Entertainment at pinapanood mo lang ito tuwing
Sabado kung saan nagpapagandahan ng production
numbers ang Monday hanggang Friday group.
(Badtrip ka sa Wednesday group dahil
pinakabaduy lagi ang performance nila!)

• Kilala mo ang Smokey Mountain, (1st and
2nd generation)

• Noon, astig ka kapag umiilaw ang swelas
ng sapatos mo tuwing ia-apak mo ito. Tinawag rin
itong "Mighty Kid or Dino Light"

• Kung lalaki ka, sikat na sikat sa'yo ang
mga larong text, jolens, dampa (mga unang anyo
ng pustahan), saranggola at ang dakilang manika
niyo ay si GI-JOE with alipores.

• Kung babae ka naman, ang mga laro mo
with you're girlfriends ay luto-lutuan, bahay-
bahayan,doktor-doktoran, at kung anu-ano pang
pagkukunwari . Ang dakilang manika mo ay si
Barbie. (Sikat ka kung meron kang bahay, kotse
at kabaong ni Barbie.)

• Alam mo ang ibig sabihin ng "TIME FIRST!"


Bakit kaya ganon? Kahit sang lupalop ka ng
Pilipinas naroon, eh nakaka-relate ka sa mga
pinagsasasabi ko. Siguro'y dahil wala pang cable
at kakaunti lang ang pagpipiliang channels kaya
parepareho tayo ng pinapanood. Maaaring wala
pang playstation kaya kung anu-ano na lang ang
naiimbentong laro na pwedeng gawin sa kalsada o
sa isang bakanteng lote. Pero kung ano man ang
dahilan sa pagkaparepareho natin ng karanasan,
masaya na rin akong naging bata ako sa panahong
ito. Masarap alalahanin at balik-balikan. Di ba?

Friday, January 23, 2009

ano kaya kung binato mo cya ng libro?

unang date: nakaupo tayo sa bench sa ilalim ng mga puno sa tapat ng starbucks gb. ikaw at ako. ng biglang dumaan itong taong may larawan sa baba. sabi ko parang kilala ko cya. sabi mo mag hi ako, sabi ko wag na kasi online ko lang naman cya kilala at duda ako na kilala nya rin ako. namilit ka at nag prisenta na batohin cya ng librong hawak ko sabay sigaw "hoy, magkakilala daw kayo!". yun ang isa sa mga unang tawa ko kasama ka. isang beses namilit akong pumunta sa may inyo, sabi mo sige, tapos nun ako ay ready na para umalis, nakasakay na ng bus at lahat bigla mo sanabing wag na lang, pagod ka na kasi, sobra, sabi mo napa oo ka lang naman kasi nakulitan ka na. wala akong nagawa kundi tumoloy na lang sa lakad ko. para naman ma feel kahit papaano ang presencya mo bumalik ako dun sa bench na yun. walang libro, wala ung mukhang nasa baba (jericho nga pala pangalan nya), wala ang bag mo na may payong, at wala ka. pero may sigarilyo naman at lighter tapos bablegam. so ayos na rin. akalain mo. may naalala pala ako.





maligayang ikaapat na mansaryo sa ikalawang date natin.

(english would have been so much better eh?)

wide eyed



parang tarsier ni michael na dating akin.

self or others

at this very moment i have a call on hold, king2x is on the next line asking me if im going out tonight. you see for me, going out is not like what some people might think it is. not out of the closet but actually what it means literally. i was not born to decline an invitation for a good friday night out. it has always been a struggle for me to stay home on weekends. one reason is i hate the tone of the voice on the other line when i actually make excuses on not being able to join them on their weekly alcohol binging. "others" that's the word most often than not, come out of their mouths. is it so hard to understand that not all people can afford to go out on a night before work? or do they actually think everyone would bend when an invitation has alcohol written all over it?

then i answered the call, king2x was only up for a chat. we did it over the phone.


sorry i had to rant. un lang pala.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

so sweet yet obscene

Dan(1/20/2009 8:26:56 PM): If ever you'll come across this new blog dan (which is somehow impossible) -- wala daw imposible sa mundo
Dan (1/20/2009 8:26:58 PM):
rayn (1/20/2009 8:31:13 PM): ill hold on to the thought, walang imposible sa mundo
Dan (1/20/2009 8:31:30 PM): hehe
Dan (1/20/2009 8:34:10 PM): galit ka na alam ko blog mo?
rayn(1/20/2009 8:34:25 PM): bat naman ako magagalit?
rayn (1/20/2009 8:34:38 PM): i was surprised
Dan(1/20/2009 8:34:48 PM): bakit suprised?
Dan(1/20/2009 8:34:51 PM): *surprised
rayn(1/20/2009 8:34:56 PM): mas may importantent issue ngaun kesa sa blog ko
Dan(1/20/2009 8:35:14 PM): anu ung mas importanteng issue?
rayn(1/20/2009 8:35:19 PM): ikaw
rayn(1/20/2009 8:35:26 PM): tayo
Dan(1/20/2009 8:35:41 PM): mga two or three weeks ago ko pa ata un nakita
rayn (1/20/2009 8:36:00 PM): thru kanino?
Dan (1/20/2009 8:36:14 PM): wala
Dan (1/20/2009 8:36:17 PM): nakita ko lang
rayn (1/20/2009 8:36:33 PM): pano nanyari un?
Dan (1/20/2009 8:37:38 PM): di ko din alam
rayn (1/20/2009 8:37:52 PM): huh?
Dan (1/20/2009 8:39:17 PM): basta nakita ko na lang ung blog mo
rayn (1/20/2009 8:39:38 PM): kulet, ganon lang un
Dan (1/20/2009 8:40:24 PM): anung ganun lang un
rayn (1/20/2009 8:40:52 PM): basta mo na lang nakita?
Dan (1/20/2009 8:41:42 PM): yup
rayn (1/20/2009 8:41:52 PM): hmmmh
Dan (1/20/2009 8:42:10 PM): weird no?
rayn (1/20/2009 8:42:27 PM): hindi, walang weird sa mundo
Dan (1/20/2009 8:42:41 PM): weird un!
rayn (1/20/2009 8:42:44 PM): hindi
Dan (1/20/2009 8:42:46 PM):
rayn (1/20/2009 8:42:58 PM): hindi weird un, may ibang tawag dun
Dan (1/20/2009 8:43:17 PM): ano
rayn (1/20/2009 8:43:35 PM): sekretong malupet
rayn (1/20/2009 8:43:37 PM): haha
Dan (1/20/2009 8:43:53 PM): ano nga
rayn (1/20/2009 8:43:59 PM): sekreto nga
Dan (1/20/2009 8:44:24 PM): ANO NGA
rayn (1/20/2009 8:44:28 PM): haha
rayn (1/20/2009 8:48:58 PM):
Dan (1/20/2009 8:50:24 PM): wala masabi
rayn (1/20/2009 8:50:40 PM): bakit?
Dan (1/20/2009 8:52:57 PM): ikaw, sabi ko. wala ka masabi
rayn (1/20/2009 8:53:25 PM): ano dapat kong sabihin?
Dan (1/20/2009 8:56:25 PM): di ko alam
Dan (1/20/2009 8:56:25 PM): hahaha
rayn (1/20/2009 8:56:43 PM): andami ko na nga nasabi eh
rayn (1/20/2009 8:56:54 PM): wala ng natira
Dan (1/20/2009 8:57:12 PM): ows
rayn (1/20/2009 8:57:36 PM):
Dan(1/20/2009 8:58:34 PM): dapat pala hindi ko sinabi sayo
rayn (1/20/2009 8:58:45 PM): bakit?
Dan (1/20/2009 9:01:22 PM): wala lang
rayn (1/20/2009 9:01:59 PM): siguro nga dapat di na
Dan (1/20/2009 9:02:24 PM): bakit?
rayn (1/20/2009 9:02:34 PM): wala lang
Dan (1/20/2009 9:02:46 PM): k
rayn (1/20/2009 10:31:18 PM): di un weird, destiny un. fate.
Dan (1/20/2009 10:31:40 PM): huh?
rayn (1/20/2009 10:33:02 PM): na nabasa mo blog ko
Dan (1/20/2009 10:34:08 PM): nyi
Dan (1/20/2009 10:34:20 PM): hahaha
rayn (1/20/2009 10:34:31 PM):
Dan (1/20/2009 10:48:07 PM): ayus naman ng status mo
Dan (1/20/2009 10:48:07 PM):
rayn (1/20/2009 10:48:20 PM): hahaha
rayn (1/20/2009 10:48:26 PM): watching betty
rayn (1/20/2009 10:48:43 PM): amanda is sang that to mark
rayn (1/20/2009 10:48:55 PM): amanda sang that to mark*****
Dan (1/20/2009 10:51:40 PM): hahaha
rayn (1/20/2009 10:52:47 PM): out ka na maya2x?
Dan (1/20/2009 10:52:59 PM): hindi pa
Dan (1/20/2009 10:53:05 PM): baka pagpatay na ako mag out
Dan (1/20/2009 10:53:07 PM):
rayn (1/20/2009 10:53:07 PM): OT?
Dan (1/20/2009 10:53:17 PM): ah.
rayn (1/20/2009 10:53:19 PM): hahaha
Dan (1/20/2009 10:53:21 PM): akala ko mag-out
Dan (1/20/2009 10:53:24 PM): hahaha
rayn (1/20/2009 10:53:30 PM): hahahah
rayn (1/20/2009 10:53:35 PM):
Dan (1/20/2009 10:56:59 PM): cge, uwi na ako
Dan (1/20/2009 10:57:03 PM): ingat ryan.
Dan (1/20/2009 10:57:05 PM): be safe
Dan (1/20/2009 10:57:08 PM): wear a condom!


ang sweet talaga.

it happens..

"if only we learn to accept that friends change, then we wouldn't have to change friends"

someone i was very close with had this posted on his message status. and just like everything else, it left me wondering if he really meant those things. and as i am talking to him online, i felt it, he didn't change. i did. it was a very brief chit chat but i was sure, i was not the same person as i was before towards him. i don't know how i should call it, maybe intolerant and irritated, yeah, that was it. 8 years of friendship. 8 minutes of chatting. 8 things why we cannot remain as we are before.

Monday, January 19, 2009

what made me think that blog was about me

ever experience reading something and think that its about you? him and you? its like listening to "killing me softly" with out the rhythm. being in love with a person who had never been free to express what he really feels about you is a torture. months had passed and all i ever did was presume things. i had been up there and down here with all the thoughts about what he had written and how am i suppose to interpret it. i have learned the art of reading between the lines and often times fail. maybe its part of the catch on trying to be in a LDR, plus him being so vague. i could go on and on on how he makes me go spinning with just a simple blog entry.




why don't you just whisper those words?



latinamo ka.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Legacy

had a good laugh..

as narrated by his grandson and nephew..

"lat tsang ina mo, ngansi mahadlok kaw musakay ug eroplano nga kung madisgrasya di man na imo?" (cunt of your mother, why get scared if an airplane crashes that's not even yours?)


inside a two seater aircraft en route to his daughters birthday bash. "stop engine, surprise landing kita" (stop the engine, we'll have a surprise landing).

- DOP


PIT SENOR!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

a view from afar

you might think you know him already with just a few conversations you had online. mind you, you don't know what you are putting yourself into. yeah, i might be just a bit jealous but this is a warning. he can rip you apart if you don't guard yourself. i was at your situation not a long while ago. he was my sunshine. what is he to you? my world evolved around him. i did things for him that he was grateful for. i worshiped him, he loved me. but see? we didn't go quite far. not only because the situation didn't permit it but because he didn't really took much attention on what i had to offer. are you willing to offer more than i could? your presence? you think that will be enough? think twice, its something i didn't do. maybe i did but it was too late. i fell so deep re-evaluating was not an option. now as i see you got smitten by dan's smile, i cant help but feel nostalgic. if only i had remained smitten and not in love, things will be a lot better for us. had i not crossed the line, id still see his name in my inbox. had i not crossed the line maybe ill still have my heart with me now. but all is too late, nothings left of me. i sent my heart and soul through courier and it landed on his wall, a frame to remind him of what i am, his-half boyfriend and almost lover. good luck buddy.

almost lover

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

tata was streaming this song through group text and i had to save it for weeks till my globe line went nuts. i wanted to share it with dan but i thought otherwise since it was a tad bit unromantic song to share. but if one knows better i think its endearing to think that even the most remotely romantic song will remind you of that someone you love. if only i can take the courage to key in the lyrics of this song and send it to dan, i will know, im finally over him.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

quit the chase

now, i need to do this. i haven't thought of anything to write in the last few days. i have been again preoccupied with thoughts about dan (where we are heading, should i or should i pursue him, am i making things worse, is he really into me etc). at this moment i should have been working but instead i decided to miss my second shift because i know i can no longer function as im required to. ill be taking a 5 day off for the sinulog festival, this trip will be the make or break escapade for me. i gotta take dan out of my system, his constant wandering inside my head is not healthy. he's already making me sick. i know im a whiner, i know i tend to make things complicated and i know, that again, this thing wouldn't work. ive always been clear with what i wanted from him and our soon to be relationship. RECIPROCITY. and its clear that i'm to get it from someone else. he told me he loved me but he just isn't cut out to be romantic. the dear, babe and stranger is his inept attempt to make me feel that he's trying, well, not enough.

If ever you'll come across this new blog dan (which is somehow impossible), i want you to realize that the entire time Ive known and loved you, i had a hard time. you never made it easy for me. you didn't reach out. instead you went telling the whole world that you are not and will never be the type to fight for love. and finally admitting this and actually come to terms with how you perceive love and romance is one of the most painful things i had to endure. but then again Ive always believed that there is beauty in pain and suffering. ill enjoy this as much as i have enjoyed chasing you for the past 5 months. ill take comfort in the fact that i am able to love without reason. it is reassuring that after my struggles with caloy, i was able to stand up and again embrace you with much passion. this will remind me that after this, after i pick up the pieces and gather my thoughts, ill be able to do it over again. this journey with you is the best I've had. but now im gonna have to bury it and look forward on looking back and reflect that you made me a better person. you already know this but in case you had to delete that message im gonna immortalize it for you in this blog, i love you and i always will, i will never find anyone to love as much as i do with you and you will never find anyone who will love you like i do. salamat sa lahat.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

reliving sinulog 2008



MARCO POLO




i never really gave much thought on what i was missing everytime my group of friends will pack up and head for cebu every third week of january. not only because my college allowance didnt afford it then but also because ive always thought that festivals are over rated. this was till i got the chance experience sinulog 2008. as i was scanning the pictures we had this same weekend a year ago i cant help but wonder, would this years sinulog get better?

Monday, January 12, 2009

Life is good, God is great.

not in the best mood to write, lemme just share this things with you, got this from some profile from some online community. its some lines to read. the item before this is an image of a house in entongalon, my home, one of the many reasons why i know life is good and God is great.

50 Thoughts to Ponder


1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9 Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life with others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14 If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take "no" for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your family will.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative! – dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Friday, January 9, 2009

he loved me

" and if everything falls apart, what really matters is, i will hold deep im my heart that he loved me"

Thursday, January 8, 2009

jay brannan

now this is sick. but who cares. its good good good.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

when you are talkin to someone who doesnt have a clue

Lorent: hi there, im lorent and you are
ryan: hey
ryan: ryan
Lorent: hi ryan, how are you
ryan: im great
Lorent: busy lifting weights?
ryan: and you?
Lorent: hehehehe
ryan: hahaha
ryan: di naman
ryan: facade lang yan
Lorent: im doing great as well
Lorent: hahahahaha
Lorent: well it seems ur hardwork paid off
Lorent: your body looks great
ryan: haha
ryan: nah, not really
Lorent: asus
Lorent: so what do you do?
Lorent: san ka pala in paranaque? may parents stays at gatchalian
ryan: sa may sluls
ryan: slums***
ryan: gatchalian is too fancy
Lorent: hahaha whatever
Lorent: ur funny
Lorent: so ur working
ryan: yeah
Lorent: where?
ryan: workin my ass out so that i can get out from the slums
Lorent: anu ba
Lorent: r u for real
Lorent: ur pics shows ur well off
ryan: facade
Lorent: i dont beleive it
Lorent: hehehehe
Lorent: with the words ur using
ryan: are my pics that well scanned?
Lorent: hahahahaha
Lorent: are your really serious
ryan: words? im tom ripley of the world, if you get my drift.
ryan: :)
Lorent: ay naku ur funny tlga heheheeh
Lorent: hey anyways got to sleep
Lorent: laptops running out of batt
Lorent: care to exhcnage numbers?
Lorent: :\
ryan: maybe next time
ryan: gandang umaga
Lorent: ok ok
Lorent: see u around
ryan: :)
ryan: will do
*** Lorent's IC window is closed

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Year

Today is my 24th new year. I saw SITC the movie a couple of days ago (yeah, late eh?), and now i wonder when will i be able to experience new year with a kiss. Yeah i had those scene where new year was spent with family, new year with friends, new year wearing something just now i realized is the wrong choice of, ahem, slippers, see those are all singulars, because most of my new years are spent alone in my room smoking endlessly because every year quitting those cancer sticks is on the top of the list of my new years resolution. And this year? Well its still all the same except a little fancier (for me at least). Its fancy career wise because i never had enough sleep for the past three days, i barely had 6 hours of sleep from a technically three day shift. Clinical duty, transport nurse, clinical duty. Its fancy because i should be, at this moment, have been trying to get some good night sleep instead im watching reruns of brothers and sisters while making a blog entry through BIG. I'm old enough to experience grown up new year, maybe tons of booze and a post holiday throbbing head. But really all i want is a new years kiss. And also there's one thing i missed this year, its a yearly tradition and not being able to do it this year bothers me. This year, i didn't hear mass, just like i didn't hear mass on Christmas, just like i haven't gone to church for weeks now. Its a problem, it is a problem